Having two under 2
Your two meeting could result in two different ways. They either cry of happiness/full of emotion or they are giggly crazy happy. Either way rest assured that they are in fact happy no matter what. My oldest was very quiet as we brought her baby sister to lay on her lap….and then the baby started crying…and my toddler started sobbing! Poor pumpkin was so unhappy that the baby was crying!http://thebarefootmother.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/11/IMG_0164.mov
In all the loveliness that results from having them, a lot of other things can happen. Things you do not even think about until you actually have 2 under 2. My girls were 18 months apart and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever encountered in my life. I’ll be waiting awhile for my next kids LOL anyways, here’s some thing that happen that I want to prepare you for. Maybe you can relate because you have had 2 under 2? Oh the fun right LOL
1. Your toddler will want to be a part of the newborns life.
Can you blame them? They were the center of your universe and suddenly they see you running around frantically trying to cater to a screaming baby. They no doubt will want to be apart of everything that goes on. As tempting as it may be to tell them to go away, you shouldn’t. Include them. Make them feel like they are awesome for putting up with this new change. My first instinct was to tell my toddler to go because I was trying to focus and she was getting in the way. Although that would have been easiest I decide to take the long route and include her. Asked her to get my a diaper. Told her that Cecilia was eating milk. I used it as a teaching life skills technique.
2. Someone will always be crying.
This is so common. Do not fret, I am here for you and let me tell you…the crying is REAL! For the first 4 months of my youngest life my toddler would imitate the crying thinking it was going to get her the same attention. Don’t feel bad if your toddler is a little attention-needy.
They need to learn there are two of them now and mommy will give her the attention when she can. They will not resent you I promise. My OB said to tell them this directly “mommy loves you but the baby needs mommy more. Would you like to help mommy?” And surprisingly this worked REALLY WELL!
3. Nap times are such a pain.
Still to this day if my toddler catches me trying to put the baby down for a nap she has to try and make lots of noises or touch her to wake her up. It’s actually crazy. I tried to get the baby used to noise so she could sleep through it all, it just wasn’t happening.
I used multiple crutches to ensure I could get some peace and quiet. The iPad, tv, even a gate at one point. I regret using the iPad but I had to do what I had to do. Now I have it timed where they both go down for nap at the same time so I don’t have to use anything and I get a couple hours of peace and quiet!
4. You might neglect yourself even more then before with your first…
This time I made a POINT to get my hair done and get a few treatments. And one night per week is dedicated to waxing my brows and shaving my legs and doing a nice conditioning treatment. I recommend this if you don’t actually want to lose your mind.
Another thing that I do is make sure that I have time with my best friends. I actually need girl time now. No. You read that in the wrong context. I actually… NEED it. I always want to hang out with my girlfriends, but now I actually need it like I need water and food. Yes, I have two girls so maybe girl time will be with them eventually. But right now I need people my age who I can talk to you about life with. I’m so Lucky to have the best of friends that I do.
5. You might forget some of your toddlers daily needs…
The first day I had my kids together at my house I forgot to make lunch for my toddler… OOPS!
Do not be disheartened by this. It happens to the best of us. You are certainly finding a new balance with your new baby and it is so easy to forget some of the most common day today things.
6. You will have a hard time dividing your love…
Don’t divide it. Lump it together. Even though everyone will be sobbing just give everyone hugs and kisses and be silly and don’t get overwhelmed by it. Easier said then done… but it’s so beneficial. Don’t feel like you have to love on your babies in different ways, by combining your love and making it a big love party they will learn to love each other. Which is crucial because they will indeed be spending AT LEAST the next 17-18 years together in the same house and they are siblings.
7. Regressions are TOTALLY normal.
When the arrival of a new sibling happens they are not in the state of mind to progress. They aren’t thinking straight… and lets be honest. Neither are you and that’s all okay! That’s alright. It’s normal!
My toddler tried to potty train when the baby was little (that was a crying nightmare putting the baby down to take the toddler pee every to seconds.) and then out of nowhere she convinced herself there were spiders in the toilet and refused to go to the potty so she went back in diapers.
8. You will have to decide which one you are going to help first.
When they both need you deciding who’s needs are more important at the moment are tough. Both your kids will always need you, heck I even need my own mom still! But who needs it more at the moment of two kids screaming is up to your own judgment.
For instance, my newborn had to sleep and my toddler just smacked her face on the table do was gushing blood down her chin. I laid the newborn in her crib and let her cry herself to sleep while I tended to my toddlers poor open wound (she it her teeth almost completely through her lip!)
As for another instance, my newborn had a blowout so big that she had handfuls of it and the carpet had been completely saturated. And of course the moment I realize that it has happened my toddler’s show suddenly has ended and she’s screaming for a new episode. I obviously was taking care of the newborn first.
9. You will have to change things up A LOT.
How you get your toddler to bed, what time do you want them to sleep for naps, feeding times, what’s the best grocery shopping time, when will I shower? What would be a good time to start dinner? What would be easy and fast so that nobody misses me and screams themselves speechless? When am I going to be able to go to the bathroom?
For the first half year nothing is convenient. It was a teeny tiny smidge easier with only one but it just changes a lot when you have two. Especially when they are on two different schedules and developments.
10. You will need more separation time then before.
I use to laugh and scoff at moms who constantly talked about how they needed a few days a week to themselves with out kids. I never understood it. Now that I have 2 under 2 I understand the need to get away for a few minutes. I’ve never asked my mom to watch the kids so much in my life LOL I now get away for a little bit each week. Even if it’s 30 minutes it saves me 24/7 sanity breaking boundaries.
Having two under 2 is so hard but you know what? My heart explodes at least once a day from cuteness with these girls. They are the actual best thing ever and cherish them every single solitary day. During a hard day it feels like the breaking point is just right there. Some days I cannot get a single solitary piece of silence. I long for a full conversation with an adult.
My sister and I are 19 months apart. In the end, I know that I have given my children the chance to have a built in friend. They don’t have a big age gap to wear one will be out of the house 10 years before the other or driving significantly longer. They will never know what it’s like to be completely alone. They will always have somebody to fall back on. Somebody to get excited when a boy texts them ( Long time before that ) and somebody to cry too when there is a heartbreak. Somebody to share secrets with and tell the latest gossip too. A lifelong best friend ❤